Tired.

I need supernatural strength. Boy am I tired! Gideon would not even let me take a shower this morning without screaming at the top of his lungs. So I get out of the shower and put him in the shower with his toys. Nope, still screaming. So, I get out and wrap him in a towel baby burrito style. He smiles. I put his diaper on, he screams, I dress him ... still screaming. Keep in mind, at this point I still have shampoo in my hair and am 20 minutes behind. Ugh! 1 baby, 2 means of provision, 1 job (Missionary). Don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed with a wonderful child. I am not however blessed with an unlimited amount of energy. I am a human being and a weak one due to the fact that I never eat right or exercise because that would once again require me to be away from my child whom I never see b/c I work all the time. The whole thing is a catch 22 really. I have to work to provide for him a stable environment. If I work it causes him to be more and more stressed-- which is unstable in itself. Lord, give me your strength in the day to day and your wisdom to be where you want me all the time.

I need a hug.

Lately people have been commending me on my strength. For the record: I am weak. Very weak. What they are seeing is the Father's strength in my weakness. The thing is...sometimes I don't feel all that strong inside. Though I know He is my all in all I still live in this stupid flesh. Needless to say the side effect of everyone thinking you are strong is no one gives you a hug when you are sad and hurting and messed up. I don't want to be an emotional tramp as Chris calls it and let people know how I am feeling--I want to just let the Father know how I feel-but how does that work when you just need a hug. I wish His arms would just reach down from heaven and give me one...then I could make it...then I would be able to put one more foot in front of the other......hmmm.