Resting, waiting, expecting.

I have recently returned from my second trip to Israel. God is so amazing and show me love and favor beyond what I deserve. The number one question that people have been asking is, "Did you have fun." Well, the honest answer is that I did not have "fun". God called me to walk in an area of obedience and be his hands and feet. I was GREATLY BLESSED for this obedience, but would not categorize the experience as fun. Being a desciple is not always about enjoyment and satisfaction, in fact it is usually the opposite. Joy comes from just being in the center of His will and that is enough. God gave me some new and fresh words in Israel and just to hear His voice is worth all the sacrifice-no matter where I am.
He is God over all, reigning supreme, in total control. So Why do we fear the economy, elections and things of this world. He will shake things up but as long as you are not the man who built his house on the sand you won't be moved by the tremors.
Holy spirit pour out a FRESH FIRE upon us. Once again wake up the sleepers and bring a new revelation to those who have forgotten--YOU ARE STILL GOD!

Trust

The source of greatest stress for most of us is being disappointed by others. We want to be able to put our trust in those we love and care about. By trusting people we are misplacing our trust and placing an undue burden on the other party to fullfull our expectations. Only God can be trusted and never fails. Instead we should put them in the Father's hands and trust Him. Only our Father can meet and exceed our expectations EVERY time. So teach me to trust you more and not others. Let me be a person that is steady and dependent upon you to be who you want me to be--even if that's not what everyone else expects. Most of all help me to meet your expectations, Abba. May your kingdom come in my life today and forever.

What do you want me to do, say, be? Lead me--I'll move.

His voice.

Today I am faced with a delimna. Someone close to me tells me that God has spoken to them that I should move in a certain direction in an important area of my life. I know that this person knows the voice of the Father, but I also know that this person has been walking in total disobedience to God's direction in more than one area of life. I have been praying that God would speak to this person, but did He or is this the enemy trying to trick me? So, I seek the Father and ask for His clear direction in all things. I trust no one but my Father. I will not take one step off the path He has set me on without His divine direction. I obey only ONE voice. I am so thankful Father that you let me test and prove you everyday. You turn the hearts of kings! You, Abba are sovereign and not the author of confusion. May your kingdom reign in my life today and in eternity. God you are amazing, you are supernatural, you are I AM and I AM NOT!

Amputation.

As you walk the narrow way there will definately come a time when you are faced with the a choice. Are you going to compromise God's principles in your life or will you stand firm on His promises even in the face of incredible pressure. Sometimes you have to cut off people and habits in order to keep yourself from temptation. "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matt. 18:6 My Pastor gave a wonderful analogy using the story of the hiker who amputated his arm. He didn't want to live without his arm but it was necessary for his survival. If only we felt that way about obedience--like our lives depended on it. Abba, show me what areas of my life need to be amputated. Give me the courage to let go of those areas. I love you--May your kingdom come on earth and in my life. May your perfect will come swiftly like a rushing wind. May the bowls in your throneroom overflow with my petitions and may they accelerate your purposes on earth. Complete that which you have started. May no act of disobedience from me stand between you and your perfect plan.

His ways are not our ways

So I am headed to NM on Sunday to give a presentation on my amazing experience this summer in Israel. I have an awesome movie maker presentation ready to go that will not play on my laptop, so I borrow a computer. I am almost there when I get a phone call that my USB drive was still in Texas. Then I wonder, Lord do you even want me to give the presentation. Yes, my child--He says, just trust me. So I get there and try to download the presentation from email--this doesn't work and so I decide to simply give the presentation orally with scriptures (without pictures/music) and just trust the Holy Spirit. I spoke for about 15 minutes and then a great guy, Jeff comes in and tells me he has the presentation and it is working. Praise God! Sometimes, I think God just wants to make sure that we are acting in total trust and faith and then He comes through and exceeds our expectations. Thank you, Father that you are God of all things and that you are in control. Thank you for teaching me through these experiences how to trust you more. I love you, Abba.

Narrow the gate.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14 I pray that you will seek the Lord so that you know for certain that you are on the Lord's road to righteousness and holy living. That road is narrow as the Lord teaches us, but the wide road is headed the wrong way. When someone is on the wrong road, the Lord is going to be calling their name and giving them His hand to pull them back to the main road over and over again. "Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me." Psalm 119:132-133 You and I have a choice every day, every hour and every minute, if we choose to pick up our cross and follow our Lord Jesus Christ which means going through the gate of true repentance and denying ourselves to follow God's ways. Keep your eyes on the Lord. Ask Him questions. Remember, God does speak to His children! Are you on the right road today or do you need to turn around and get off that detour road? "I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word. I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119:101-105
Guard your heart, your ears and eyes. Guard your heart so that it may be pure and holy. Guard your actions and thoughts so that they may be found pleasing to the Lord.

Favor

Though we do not walk in obedience expecting anything in return; Father God is so wonderful that he gives us something in return--favor. As we seek after him with hunger and faith we become attentive to His voice. Father help me to obey immediately so that you can be pleased with me. I long to make you smile and receive your favor. Thank you that as I pour your love out, you fill me with good wine. I love you, Abba. I rest in you. I surrender to your kingdom work in me. Do what you need to do--whatever it looks like--whatever it feels like--I am yours.

"Home"?

Where is home if not in the center of His will? My heart is torn into pieces, scattered 6,000 miles apart. God of miracles open the heavens and rain down into my life. Shine your perfect light before my feet via your word so that my steps will be perfectly centered in your will. Keep my eyes from diverting to the left or to the right. Focussed on your straight and narrow path. When the voices of doubt, judgment and question begin to rise around me take me back to the moments when I heard your voice and let Your words resonate in my mind, heart and ears. Thank you Father for having plans so amazing and beuatiful for me that I am unable to grasp them with my mind. I rest and wait in faith--what next, Abba?

Days 6-9

I have gone from the Golan Heights and Galilee up to Jerusalem. This city has an amazing pulsing beat. The rhythm of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah is beating and beating like a drum that doesn't sleep. The rhythm seems to whisper wake up wake up wake up. Went to the Holocaust museum on a special tour. Yesterday we were in Tel Aviv in a rescue mission for Sudanese and African refugees. I delivered a gift from God of 1,000 diapers. Amazingly, there are 3 women there who are expected to deliver this week. There was a great need fulfilled and the hand of God is amazing. Today we will teach a bible school to Arab children in Old City Jerusalem. I am in charge of security as the area is considered a terrorist hot zone. On Wednesday there was a terrorist attack here in the city. A man used a tractor to run over people. Despite the scary things I am not afraid. I have a peace that passes understanding. Thank you father God that you are aware and in control of ALL things. Thank you for using me as a vessel of your love and compassion to those who are hurting, hungry and scared. May your love and kindness be the coat that I wear today.

P.S. I have pictures of donkeys.

Day 5

Did humanitarian projects for Holocaust survivors. Traveled to Syrian border and heavily bombed areas in Golan. The area that Bush has encouraged Israel to give away in the peace treaty with Syria. This area is incredibly beautiful, full of vineyards and fruit trees. God has given such a gift. Blessed are you God of the universe who gives us the fruit of the land. You turn the desert places into gardens. How deep and wide is your love for us.

Day 4

Today we ministered to Israeli soldiers on 2 army bases in the North. I was surprised that many of them are not originally from here but from many other places such as Russia, Italy, etc. It was an amazing blessing. They have a hard time believing that someone wants to just be kind to them for no reason. It was an amazing experience. Thank you Father God that you make a way in the wilderness, your loving kindness is the bridge between us.

Day 1-3

Wed. = leave Brownfield 0330 am for airport.
flight leaves Lubbock 0505 am for Houston
Depart Newark, NJ for Tel Aviv 430 pm
Thurs. = Arrive Tel Aviv 1045 am (8 hour time change)
Travel by van with another missionary from my group named Levi, who is a college freshman at Bethel College in California originally from Nebraska. We take what was the original road to Emmaeus up to the Judean Hills to await the rest of the group arrivals. We have orientation and meet roomates. My roommate is a 17 year old who has been a Chrsitian for one year. Her name is Merideth and she is from Toronto, Canada.
Friday-we were in Nazareth most of the day. There were actually members of the Hammas having a rally in the street. Over a loud speaker they were screaming that they hate Christians and Jews. Even though I could not interpret the actual words I could hear the anger and rage in their voices. It made me feel so sad because I know that they are angry because they have an empty hole in them where the love of God belongs. So sad that the scales of hate cover their eyes. For the first few days the team is working to get to know each other and study and prepare for the task ahead. Father, teach me to see all things through your eyes. Holy Spirit surround me with your covering of peace in the midst of turmoil.
Saturday-Shabot shalom. Boat ride and morning devotional in a fishing boat on the Sea of Galilee. Team prepares to spend Saturday on Israelli Army base. Ministering love to those who guard and protect God's chosen land. Father, use me as a vessel to bring the same peace that Jesus spoke to calm the storm on the Galilee to calm the fears and anger in the hearts of the soldier I will meet. Thank you Father that you are still and always a God of miracles.

Tired.

I need supernatural strength. Boy am I tired! Gideon would not even let me take a shower this morning without screaming at the top of his lungs. So I get out of the shower and put him in the shower with his toys. Nope, still screaming. So, I get out and wrap him in a towel baby burrito style. He smiles. I put his diaper on, he screams, I dress him ... still screaming. Keep in mind, at this point I still have shampoo in my hair and am 20 minutes behind. Ugh! 1 baby, 2 means of provision, 1 job (Missionary). Don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed with a wonderful child. I am not however blessed with an unlimited amount of energy. I am a human being and a weak one due to the fact that I never eat right or exercise because that would once again require me to be away from my child whom I never see b/c I work all the time. The whole thing is a catch 22 really. I have to work to provide for him a stable environment. If I work it causes him to be more and more stressed-- which is unstable in itself. Lord, give me your strength in the day to day and your wisdom to be where you want me all the time.

Surely Yours.

"My heart is aching for my Father, my eyes they long to see my God. This world has nothing I desire-You ar what I'm looking for. so hide me underneath Your shelter, cover me and I will say I am Yours, surely I am Yours." These words are to one of my favorite songs by an artist named Chaya. I remember my Pap saying from the pullpit over and over in my memory that "you are not your own but bought with a price." I guess it took me 30 years to finally understand that my will has to cease to exist and when I die to myself and this world it all begins to fade into Him.

Loving kindness...

This weekend retreat was good in many ways. It made me realize how many people are hurting and do not have an intimate relationship with the Father. It also reminded me that it is God's LOVE that brings those who are not where they need to be to Him. He is so kind and loving. Let me be the hands, feet, mouth and ears of discipleship that I may share His love more abundantly with those I come in contact with. May His love drip out of my every pore, may it be an irresistable perfume that draws them to Him.

Emmaus

Today I leave on a trip called Walk to Emmaus. In a few weeks my feet will walk the "real" road. Father, guide my every step. Use me as a vessel to do your kingdom work wherever I am. You know I do what you call because I am obedient. You know I walk in obedience because I love you and seek your favor and blessing. Father you know my heart's desire. May your kingdon come in my life.

I need a hug.

Lately people have been commending me on my strength. For the record: I am weak. Very weak. What they are seeing is the Father's strength in my weakness. The thing is...sometimes I don't feel all that strong inside. Though I know He is my all in all I still live in this stupid flesh. Needless to say the side effect of everyone thinking you are strong is no one gives you a hug when you are sad and hurting and messed up. I don't want to be an emotional tramp as Chris calls it and let people know how I am feeling--I want to just let the Father know how I feel-but how does that work when you just need a hug. I wish His arms would just reach down from heaven and give me one...then I could make it...then I would be able to put one more foot in front of the other......hmmm.

But Dad, it hurts!

When a sword is created it goes through a process of heat, cold, and constant pounding. Without these things the sword will never be usable or sharp. I have gone through this process and am still going through it; but today I had to do something I have never done. Father God gave me the opportunity to see through His eyes what it looks like when He sharpens one of His children. I had to tell a friend no when they asked for help so that they would be forced to turn to the Father. It was not pleasant to experience. Father as you reveal more and more of your perspective I am reminded how difficult your job is and how patient you are with your disobedient children. May I be able to say no with love to those you want to sharpen. May I be a light of prayer for them as you turn their hearts in your gentle hands.

Out on a limb!

I am amazed at the work of God. My dear friend and brother in Christ is moving to Israel with nothing but a couple of suitcases. No long term plan, no guarantees, nothing-but the hope and surety that God is in control and has called him there. I wait with excited anticipation the outpouring of blessings he will receive for his obedience and willingness to go out on a limb. I guess he knows something the naysayers don’t—he knows the ROOT supports the limb!

I will not be moved!

I'll say of the Lord, "You are my strength, my shield, my portion, deliverer, strong tower, my EVER PRESENT help in time of need. You are teaching me that the ways of the world are futile, they are nothing in the face of your power and glory. The ideas and ways of man are not your ways and your thoughts. You are God, sovereign and HOLY! You will keep your promises to me. May your kingdom come in my life, on this earth. May you rush in like a wind, be faithful as I wait upon you to complete the work which you have started. You take that which the world says is hopeless and dead and breathe new life. You spoke, "Lazarus, come forth!" Dry bones of my circumstance--come to life in the name of Jesus!!!!

Lessons in stewardship

When you fall in love and grow in your relationship you share more and more of your heart and secrets with one another. The intimacy with the Father is no different. Through prayer, intercession and fasting we are allowed to enter a secret, sacred place nearer to the Father's heart. In that place He has shown me His suffering and His heart. I recently made the mistake of "kissing and telling" so to speak. The father revealed an area to me that he wanted me, as Mary did, to hide in my heart. I chose to speak forth this revalation to someone whom it was not intented; acting as a poor steward--not realizing that not all are prepared or intended to know. This led to some heartache but more than that it taught me an important lesson. Lord, I promise to be more sensitive to your voice--give me boldness to speak forth that which you have directed me and to hush and hold close those secrets we share until you relaease me to share them.

The Father's Gifts

There is an awesome irony to the gifts of the Father. Most of the time you do not know He has given you a gift until after the fact. So you know that Chrsitmas morning anticipation that you have when you are a kid; that is followed abruptly by a major emotional letdown....? Well when God the Father gives gifts, usually in the process we view it as something bad happpening in our life, then later we realize that we were given this incredible gift and its too late to apologize for complaining at the time. ????? Well, at least there is never a so called letdown with God, just a neverending anticipation of something great happening.

HE LOVES ME!!!

I was driving in my car and all of the sudden I realized that God is in love with me!!! I know that sounds crazy and don't get me wrong, I have always known intellectually that he loves me but this was something more than that. My spirit finally came into agreement to accept His love in full.