Day 5

Did humanitarian projects for Holocaust survivors. Traveled to Syrian border and heavily bombed areas in Golan. The area that Bush has encouraged Israel to give away in the peace treaty with Syria. This area is incredibly beautiful, full of vineyards and fruit trees. God has given such a gift. Blessed are you God of the universe who gives us the fruit of the land. You turn the desert places into gardens. How deep and wide is your love for us.

Day 4

Today we ministered to Israeli soldiers on 2 army bases in the North. I was surprised that many of them are not originally from here but from many other places such as Russia, Italy, etc. It was an amazing blessing. They have a hard time believing that someone wants to just be kind to them for no reason. It was an amazing experience. Thank you Father God that you make a way in the wilderness, your loving kindness is the bridge between us.

Day 1-3

Wed. = leave Brownfield 0330 am for airport.
flight leaves Lubbock 0505 am for Houston
Depart Newark, NJ for Tel Aviv 430 pm
Thurs. = Arrive Tel Aviv 1045 am (8 hour time change)
Travel by van with another missionary from my group named Levi, who is a college freshman at Bethel College in California originally from Nebraska. We take what was the original road to Emmaeus up to the Judean Hills to await the rest of the group arrivals. We have orientation and meet roomates. My roommate is a 17 year old who has been a Chrsitian for one year. Her name is Merideth and she is from Toronto, Canada.
Friday-we were in Nazareth most of the day. There were actually members of the Hammas having a rally in the street. Over a loud speaker they were screaming that they hate Christians and Jews. Even though I could not interpret the actual words I could hear the anger and rage in their voices. It made me feel so sad because I know that they are angry because they have an empty hole in them where the love of God belongs. So sad that the scales of hate cover their eyes. For the first few days the team is working to get to know each other and study and prepare for the task ahead. Father, teach me to see all things through your eyes. Holy Spirit surround me with your covering of peace in the midst of turmoil.
Saturday-Shabot shalom. Boat ride and morning devotional in a fishing boat on the Sea of Galilee. Team prepares to spend Saturday on Israelli Army base. Ministering love to those who guard and protect God's chosen land. Father, use me as a vessel to bring the same peace that Jesus spoke to calm the storm on the Galilee to calm the fears and anger in the hearts of the soldier I will meet. Thank you Father that you are still and always a God of miracles.

Tired.

I need supernatural strength. Boy am I tired! Gideon would not even let me take a shower this morning without screaming at the top of his lungs. So I get out of the shower and put him in the shower with his toys. Nope, still screaming. So, I get out and wrap him in a towel baby burrito style. He smiles. I put his diaper on, he screams, I dress him ... still screaming. Keep in mind, at this point I still have shampoo in my hair and am 20 minutes behind. Ugh! 1 baby, 2 means of provision, 1 job (Missionary). Don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed with a wonderful child. I am not however blessed with an unlimited amount of energy. I am a human being and a weak one due to the fact that I never eat right or exercise because that would once again require me to be away from my child whom I never see b/c I work all the time. The whole thing is a catch 22 really. I have to work to provide for him a stable environment. If I work it causes him to be more and more stressed-- which is unstable in itself. Lord, give me your strength in the day to day and your wisdom to be where you want me all the time.

Surely Yours.

"My heart is aching for my Father, my eyes they long to see my God. This world has nothing I desire-You ar what I'm looking for. so hide me underneath Your shelter, cover me and I will say I am Yours, surely I am Yours." These words are to one of my favorite songs by an artist named Chaya. I remember my Pap saying from the pullpit over and over in my memory that "you are not your own but bought with a price." I guess it took me 30 years to finally understand that my will has to cease to exist and when I die to myself and this world it all begins to fade into Him.

Loving kindness...

This weekend retreat was good in many ways. It made me realize how many people are hurting and do not have an intimate relationship with the Father. It also reminded me that it is God's LOVE that brings those who are not where they need to be to Him. He is so kind and loving. Let me be the hands, feet, mouth and ears of discipleship that I may share His love more abundantly with those I come in contact with. May His love drip out of my every pore, may it be an irresistable perfume that draws them to Him.

Emmaus

Today I leave on a trip called Walk to Emmaus. In a few weeks my feet will walk the "real" road. Father, guide my every step. Use me as a vessel to do your kingdom work wherever I am. You know I do what you call because I am obedient. You know I walk in obedience because I love you and seek your favor and blessing. Father you know my heart's desire. May your kingdon come in my life.

I need a hug.

Lately people have been commending me on my strength. For the record: I am weak. Very weak. What they are seeing is the Father's strength in my weakness. The thing is...sometimes I don't feel all that strong inside. Though I know He is my all in all I still live in this stupid flesh. Needless to say the side effect of everyone thinking you are strong is no one gives you a hug when you are sad and hurting and messed up. I don't want to be an emotional tramp as Chris calls it and let people know how I am feeling--I want to just let the Father know how I feel-but how does that work when you just need a hug. I wish His arms would just reach down from heaven and give me one...then I could make it...then I would be able to put one more foot in front of the other......hmmm.